hello everybody!
Remember that time I said that I was going to document the cleaning of my room and that everything would be awesome and some people even said they were excited about it? I remember that too. SO GUESS WHAT? I DID IT!
Yes sir eee, well, I began it at least. So whats happening with it? Well! I repositioned my trunk o' bags to under my window to create and nice little sitting area for guests/me/cocoa as well as I moved my Specialty Clothes rack (for the dresses/skirts I adore) into a little niche and that created A) a nice open dressing space/dancing space (woohoo!) as well as a small walkway, Man, its going to be cool! Alright so now I'm back in the cleaning mood, Ill keep you posted on this absolutly THRILLING event. ahahhaha.
2.26.2010
2.24.2010
"I don't see what everybody sees in your sexy body."
Goodness I love Man Man. Whalebones is an absolute masterpiece.
Today I was very mad. And I will tell you about it. Kudokey. So. We all know that I refrain from any angry feelings due to my firm belief that life is too short to be spending even a few moments in a bad mood, cursing, exploding, etcetcetcetc, but today was a whole 'nother ball game. It all began in English. Lets just make this clear: I LOVE THIS CLASS. I admit I do not get the top grades, I get the low As and an array of Bs, but I don't go to the class for the grades or for the marks. I took AP because I seriously love to read and to write and I complain, sure, but I go to class to learn, not to boost my GPA. Okay, so imagine this: we're all in our desks, and after reading As I Lay Dying (by a writer using a cubist technique), we are looking at famous Cubists and Cubism in art. It was a really beautiful time and it was just nice to sit and look and try to find mandolins and men with guitars amist all the cubes and cylinders and, of course, something had to ruin it. Or rather someone. It began as shrewd comments such as "this class is so boring", "that is so stupid", "I don't get it but I don't care" and, I mean, so much I can handle, so I made up some excuses: maybe some people don't like ... art? Yeah Right. But then something really ticked me off. Like the one comment that one should never, ever, ever, ever, ever say. "That's art? I could have done that!"
*Steam Whistle Blowing*
You know what, no you couldn't. If you could have, you would have beaten Pablo Picasso then. Where's your "Woman with Goat"? or "Woman Ironing"? HMMM? Did you put a toilet in a museum? Did you scuplt anything recently? NO. YOU DIDN'T. It's people like this that make me so angry, its the ignorant and indifferent that really get me worked up and I happen to hate getting worked up. And it's people like this that give America its careless connotation. People who choose to not go to museums and see classics. I mean how can a person be interested in fashion or in music but totally write off "art", because its "boring"? These are all art forms to a degree, and they should all be treated with a respect and be awed at because someone, at some point, took a lot of time to do them. Laying on their back and painting a cathedral ceiling all day? Visual Art. Sketching and sewing all day? Functional Art. Practicing and Performing all day? Audible Art. Art surrounds us and its people who completly disregard it amaze me, but not in the good way. I mean, I guess there are some people who just don't find visual art appealing or any art form for that matter, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate it for what it is or how it was done or what it means or what its supposed to mean or even how long it took to create it.
That reminds me. Who has time to actually go and appriciate works these days? I mean the man has got people with their hands tied with work and homework and basic duties such as cleaning and cooking and responsibilities that sneaking away to the city to the MoMA or even the Natural History Museum (My personal favorite ever since I was a little girl) is like a bank hiest. I mean I would spend every minute looking at exhibits and really look at them but life is so hectic all the time its always on the back burner. And it's not fair. And I'm tired of this. In Europe, its so customary to just pop in a museum and really take it all in, but here (if it's even on the list to begin with) its after working and working out and eating and homework and showering and a TV show and those thousands of hours on facebook or something. JeezLouise, its a mad mad mad mad world out there!
Goodness I love Man Man. Whalebones is an absolute masterpiece.
Today I was very mad. And I will tell you about it. Kudokey. So. We all know that I refrain from any angry feelings due to my firm belief that life is too short to be spending even a few moments in a bad mood, cursing, exploding, etcetcetcetc, but today was a whole 'nother ball game. It all began in English. Lets just make this clear: I LOVE THIS CLASS. I admit I do not get the top grades, I get the low As and an array of Bs, but I don't go to the class for the grades or for the marks. I took AP because I seriously love to read and to write and I complain, sure, but I go to class to learn, not to boost my GPA. Okay, so imagine this: we're all in our desks, and after reading As I Lay Dying (by a writer using a cubist technique), we are looking at famous Cubists and Cubism in art. It was a really beautiful time and it was just nice to sit and look and try to find mandolins and men with guitars amist all the cubes and cylinders and, of course, something had to ruin it. Or rather someone. It began as shrewd comments such as "this class is so boring", "that is so stupid", "I don't get it but I don't care" and, I mean, so much I can handle, so I made up some excuses: maybe some people don't like ... art? Yeah Right. But then something really ticked me off. Like the one comment that one should never, ever, ever, ever, ever say. "That's art? I could have done that!"
*Steam Whistle Blowing*
You know what, no you couldn't. If you could have, you would have beaten Pablo Picasso then. Where's your "Woman with Goat"? or "Woman Ironing"? HMMM? Did you put a toilet in a museum? Did you scuplt anything recently? NO. YOU DIDN'T. It's people like this that make me so angry, its the ignorant and indifferent that really get me worked up and I happen to hate getting worked up. And it's people like this that give America its careless connotation. People who choose to not go to museums and see classics. I mean how can a person be interested in fashion or in music but totally write off "art", because its "boring"? These are all art forms to a degree, and they should all be treated with a respect and be awed at because someone, at some point, took a lot of time to do them. Laying on their back and painting a cathedral ceiling all day? Visual Art. Sketching and sewing all day? Functional Art. Practicing and Performing all day? Audible Art. Art surrounds us and its people who completly disregard it amaze me, but not in the good way. I mean, I guess there are some people who just don't find visual art appealing or any art form for that matter, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate it for what it is or how it was done or what it means or what its supposed to mean or even how long it took to create it.
That reminds me. Who has time to actually go and appriciate works these days? I mean the man has got people with their hands tied with work and homework and basic duties such as cleaning and cooking and responsibilities that sneaking away to the city to the MoMA or even the Natural History Museum (My personal favorite ever since I was a little girl) is like a bank hiest. I mean I would spend every minute looking at exhibits and really look at them but life is so hectic all the time its always on the back burner. And it's not fair. And I'm tired of this. In Europe, its so customary to just pop in a museum and really take it all in, but here (if it's even on the list to begin with) its after working and working out and eating and homework and showering and a TV show and those thousands of hours on facebook or something. JeezLouise, its a mad mad mad mad world out there!
2.18.2010
I feel like since fencing ended that nothing has changed. There are still too little hours between school and scrounging up a veggie dinner and errands and church and homework to even take showers or sleep! I am excited with my new-er new haircut. I do not know how to say this without sounding cocky but I think that this haircut captures my "sweet" size and I like that. Fantastic photoshoot with Jasco today. How wonderful it is to take pictures of friends and have pictures taken by friends. We laughed the whole time and shared secrets and were disgusted by a rumor and lalalallaa wonderful. I am watching channel thirteen talking about Carol Burnett. Jeez, they don't make them like they used to (can I say that? I don't think I'm old enough to say that since I never saw it when it was originally airing)! Harvey Korman was absolute gold, in Mel Brooks films and in the Carol Burnett show, I just laugh and laugh and I love it. I love old television shows.
Well thats all, I think Russia is playing Slovakia in hockey right now. I'll be seeing ya'!
Well thats all, I think Russia is playing Slovakia in hockey right now. I'll be seeing ya'!
2.07.2010
my plan for the (distant) future:
get a lot of random but nonetheless much needed random pieces for outfits, meaning necklaces, shoes, shirts, skirts, you name it, if its crazy, never before seen and hopefully old, i want it.
then i will tour the world (become rich before this? possible.) making sure to run into swanky infamous underground persons.
followed by extreme name dropping and hob-nobing with said people which will propell me into the underground fashion world (facehunter) and thus i will be happy.
seriously, i would like to go other places. sweden, spain, france, why not? i would like to wander and tour but most of all pretend to be a native. other people have emigrated and staying in places they never thought they would, why not me too? why not you?
or i could just go to college then grad school then become a teacher and live out a scripted life worrying about money ...
get a lot of random but nonetheless much needed random pieces for outfits, meaning necklaces, shoes, shirts, skirts, you name it, if its crazy, never before seen and hopefully old, i want it.
then i will tour the world (become rich before this? possible.) making sure to run into swanky infamous underground persons.
followed by extreme name dropping and hob-nobing with said people which will propell me into the underground fashion world (facehunter) and thus i will be happy.
seriously, i would like to go other places. sweden, spain, france, why not? i would like to wander and tour but most of all pretend to be a native. other people have emigrated and staying in places they never thought they would, why not me too? why not you?
or i could just go to college then grad school then become a teacher and live out a scripted life worrying about money ...
1.31.2010
i dont mean to toot my own horn but i have to tell people other than my family
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest [wo]man on the face of the earth"
i cannot stop crying because i am so happy. i sit here, looking absolutly rediculous (sp?) but i am so happy and so blessed and so thankful. also i cannot believe today was real life. i feel like i'm floating and my body is tingling all over and i'm just stalling to tell you what actually happened. well. long story short, fencing goes to districts every year, which is a major tournament where all kinds of schools fence eachother and its just a lot of fun. ever since i was a freshman, getting beat up there but having a blast, i wanted to go to individuals. the closest we ever got was when the epee squad was 5th in the district my sophomore year (8/12 wins!) it was fantastic. so skip ahead to this year: i was nervous but really really excited. apart from two people raining on my parade all day (there are always some, im just mad that i will always remember the bad things with the reallyreally good things), i had a great time. which, for me, is the most important. i love making friends and connecting with people and chatting with the directors. so skip ahead to fencing i won 6/11 bouts, which was weird cause i lost to random schools and won against the top and second best schools along with other schools. so what did i get already? well i am the 5th A strip fencer in the district as well as the 9th fencer in the district. i can't stop smiling and crying. i can't believe today happened. its like a dream. i've been telling everyone how i wanted it for the past 4 years, ever since i found out you could move on to individuals and ever since i saw some of my older friends going into individuals and even states!
well thats it, i'm going to go crash and smile and be thankful.
**after i wrote this i fell asleep ASAP and never published this thing and after i re-reading this it makes no sense or anything but i can't retype it because i will cry again. ahahahha.
i cannot stop crying because i am so happy. i sit here, looking absolutly rediculous (sp?) but i am so happy and so blessed and so thankful. also i cannot believe today was real life. i feel like i'm floating and my body is tingling all over and i'm just stalling to tell you what actually happened. well. long story short, fencing goes to districts every year, which is a major tournament where all kinds of schools fence eachother and its just a lot of fun. ever since i was a freshman, getting beat up there but having a blast, i wanted to go to individuals. the closest we ever got was when the epee squad was 5th in the district my sophomore year (8/12 wins!) it was fantastic. so skip ahead to this year: i was nervous but really really excited. apart from two people raining on my parade all day (there are always some, im just mad that i will always remember the bad things with the reallyreally good things), i had a great time. which, for me, is the most important. i love making friends and connecting with people and chatting with the directors. so skip ahead to fencing i won 6/11 bouts, which was weird cause i lost to random schools and won against the top and second best schools along with other schools. so what did i get already? well i am the 5th A strip fencer in the district as well as the 9th fencer in the district. i can't stop smiling and crying. i can't believe today happened. its like a dream. i've been telling everyone how i wanted it for the past 4 years, ever since i found out you could move on to individuals and ever since i saw some of my older friends going into individuals and even states!
well thats it, i'm going to go crash and smile and be thankful.
**after i wrote this i fell asleep ASAP and never published this thing and after i re-reading this it makes no sense or anything but i can't retype it because i will cry again. ahahahha.
1.25.2010
I got a new alarm clock today due to today being the worst and craziest and zaniest morning I've ever had. Talk about wierd.
also: I want to brighten your world so here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTs5eKZ0i1E
** there's like, one curse word, but it's totally worth it to watch. I mean, everyone in Jersey knows someone like this.
if you like it, guess what, there are more!
(if not, then just pretend you never saw anything.)
also: I want to brighten your world so here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTs5eKZ0i1E
** there's like, one curse word, but it's totally worth it to watch. I mean, everyone in Jersey knows someone like this.
if you like it, guess what, there are more!
(if not, then just pretend you never saw anything.)
1.24.2010
I've forgotten how much I love this.
Alright. Yesterday I took a surprise nap, which I hate, and had a dream about how I went to college and met thousands of wonderful new people. It was a glorious dream, I really cannot wait for college now. Its scary but at the same time a very attractive idea, starting over, somewhere a long ways from home. Everything starts over, eating habits, sleeping times, friends. (The latter being the very very scary part.) I have so much I want to do in the future, and I sound like a whiny little girl but I'm afraid I'll lose my momentum and actually put other things before my own whims. I've seen this happen to a lot of people, its heartbreaking. I think thats what makes us all human, we start out with these grandiose dreams of skyscrapers and astronauts and we settle for something we had no desire to do. WELL NOT ME. I hope. What are these big dreams, you ask? Well I'd love to call a few structures home, some crammed couple of rooms high above Nevsky Prospeckt in Saint Petersburg, a Montclair house (NOT MANSION.) with a porch that sweeps from the front (for two rocking chairs) to the side (for the summer, to eat and dance with friends) and a beach house in Montauk with a view that Gatsby would die for, so I can sit on the grass and listen to Vampire Weekend. It's highly improbable, it's highly expensive and it's highly out of my reach, but I'm a day-dream believer. What can I say? I mean, other people live out their dreams, why not you? why not me? Why can't I be a face hunter? Why can't I be an honors english teacher? Right now, the future looks interesting, foggy and most likely dangerous but ever since I had a changing point during fencing one day, I've changed everything. I believe in myself, I believe in the human race and I believe in you. So get out there, buttercup, make a name for yourself. I plan on making connections to last me a lifetime and keeping the fantastic connections I do have, I want to hob-nob with the barely rich and slightly famous, I want to get wrapped up in a glamourous life and I want to return home and sit on my couch with some good old friends and talk it all over and then I want to go driving around with them like we do now and get into all kinds of shananagins. I want to continue to be religious and I want to continue fencing. I don't know how to end this, nor do I know how this list of "I wants" began. So I'll end with this: I had some hot, home-made coffee with new hazelnut creamer (first time ever!) and now I think I'm lactose-intolerant. oh the humanity.
Alright. Yesterday I took a surprise nap, which I hate, and had a dream about how I went to college and met thousands of wonderful new people. It was a glorious dream, I really cannot wait for college now. Its scary but at the same time a very attractive idea, starting over, somewhere a long ways from home. Everything starts over, eating habits, sleeping times, friends. (The latter being the very very scary part.) I have so much I want to do in the future, and I sound like a whiny little girl but I'm afraid I'll lose my momentum and actually put other things before my own whims. I've seen this happen to a lot of people, its heartbreaking. I think thats what makes us all human, we start out with these grandiose dreams of skyscrapers and astronauts and we settle for something we had no desire to do. WELL NOT ME. I hope. What are these big dreams, you ask? Well I'd love to call a few structures home, some crammed couple of rooms high above Nevsky Prospeckt in Saint Petersburg, a Montclair house (NOT MANSION.) with a porch that sweeps from the front (for two rocking chairs) to the side (for the summer, to eat and dance with friends) and a beach house in Montauk with a view that Gatsby would die for, so I can sit on the grass and listen to Vampire Weekend. It's highly improbable, it's highly expensive and it's highly out of my reach, but I'm a day-dream believer. What can I say? I mean, other people live out their dreams, why not you? why not me? Why can't I be a face hunter? Why can't I be an honors english teacher? Right now, the future looks interesting, foggy and most likely dangerous but ever since I had a changing point during fencing one day, I've changed everything. I believe in myself, I believe in the human race and I believe in you. So get out there, buttercup, make a name for yourself. I plan on making connections to last me a lifetime and keeping the fantastic connections I do have, I want to hob-nob with the barely rich and slightly famous, I want to get wrapped up in a glamourous life and I want to return home and sit on my couch with some good old friends and talk it all over and then I want to go driving around with them like we do now and get into all kinds of shananagins. I want to continue to be religious and I want to continue fencing. I don't know how to end this, nor do I know how this list of "I wants" began. So I'll end with this: I had some hot, home-made coffee with new hazelnut creamer (first time ever!) and now I think I'm lactose-intolerant. oh the humanity.
1.23.2010
yesterday i thought i would have an average, even boring!, friday night. as if that was possible! went to montclair with the friendsies for some nice cafe eclectic time. milkshake was sub par, lighting hurt my eyes, atmosphere was fantastic, saw beautiful couples, good company. there was a line the length of california outside a (new?) night club. guess who was there. the oh-so-famous-for-now jersey shore cast. ahahhahhaa. we drove around and around and caught everyone's exciting fever. as we were driving home looking at the mansions, i noticed New York City in the background. it was glittering and shining and litterally created a warm and sunny glow that fought off the night sky, which by the way, is clearer than ever these days! oh, everything is so beautiful. after driving around listening to good tunes and laughing and dancing with my friends, i made it home with 30 minutes left of the last conan o'brien show with my mom! woooohoooo! this morning i was able to can-shake at A&P. It's shameless, its sometimes degrading, its tough but i love doing it. I love interacting with the people i normally would just hurry past in the foodstore. i love going out on a limb, cocking my head like a dog and smiling my most sparkling smile with a touch of an eye squeeze for that dollar. i love talking with people, finding out that they went to PV in 1965 and their grandson goes there now, but hes not a fencer: he's on the hockey team, i mean he gets into trouble, but he's a good kid. i love it. i don't love the money aspect per say (it goes to a good cause!), though i do see the money as a teller of how well you weaseled your way into the people who passed by. if you're going to stand there and monotonously ask people for money, they'll give you some change, a dollar maybe. if you're lunging and talking about how their son/daughter could be on the team when they are in high school and making them laugh, you get 10 bucks. oh i love love love it. i love people. i really enjoy making them laugh and making them remember you. my motto for the day was "well, if they're not gonna give us money, lets make them remember us at least." and i think i did, cause i saw one man who gave us money in the morning a little later today and he waved. ahahhaha. i had a hot chocolate, a mint froho (andheartsheartsheartshearts) and a hazelnut ice coffee today. beautiful, i just want you to know.
1.20.2010
Moon River And Me.
what a lovely time I've been having. I really cannot begin to speak all the wonderful things that have been happening. I am so thankful. I am so blessed. For everything, for all the things that have happened to me and for things that have not happened to me. Yesterday was an amazing time, I love my team! What a senior year so far! I am having a blast, hope you are too!
Today I was discussing THE SECRET, with some friends (send it to the universe, positive thoughts etcetcetc) and though I do not entirely buy into the whole SECRET thing, I have been living that "keep positive" kind of lifestyle and I totally agree. I'm not saying that I am completely right and amazing and a genius because I live that way, but I think life is too short to dwell on unpleasant things. DEJA VU, woah. You have to stop and be thankful for what you do have or if you lost something, you have to be thankful for the time you had with it/them. I can't wait for this year to slowly drip by/whiz by, and I promise to try and take everyday slowly and try to enjoy every moment of it! (if not please swifty kick me in the face and tell me to enjoy it all!)
Today I was discussing THE SECRET, with some friends (send it to the universe, positive thoughts etcetcetc) and though I do not entirely buy into the whole SECRET thing, I have been living that "keep positive" kind of lifestyle and I totally agree. I'm not saying that I am completely right and amazing and a genius because I live that way, but I think life is too short to dwell on unpleasant things. DEJA VU, woah. You have to stop and be thankful for what you do have or if you lost something, you have to be thankful for the time you had with it/them. I can't wait for this year to slowly drip by/whiz by, and I promise to try and take everyday slowly and try to enjoy every moment of it! (if not please swifty kick me in the face and tell me to enjoy it all!)
1.06.2010
12.30.2009
i bought myself a camera today at Urban, as well as a cheetah picture. I feel good. Break has flown by quickly but I have Christmas to look forward too! Horray! Looking forward to spending New Year's Eve with the family. Today and yesterday I felt something new. I feel older. That feeling you get when you just complete a difficult level on PS2 or when you realize you've just finished your major project and go to sleep really late just because you're happy. Thats how I feel, I feel like I've leveled up and managed to grow into my 18 year old skin. I cannot stop listening to Iron and Wine. Its so mellow and calming and thats all I want to listen to ever. This is nice, right now. Typing to you, my long lost reader(s). My mother just opened the door, I should go so we can go shopping. I'm happy. I hope you are too.
12.06.2009
http://fiftypeopleonequestion.com/
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
please go there, if you don't already.
Fifty People One Question:
I've only stumbled across it today and its beautiful. Human Nature is so fickle. We kill, we hate, we abuse, we frighten yet we do so much more. With simple, lovely, thoughtful movements we inspire, we trust, we enliven. We are beautiful and we fail to see the beauty every day. I make comments of "I HATE PEOPLE!" when I see the bad side, yet we can't see the good side or when we do we take it for granted. I love humanity, I love how we can be harsh and stubborn and then, just like that, we can be kind and understanding. Sure, there are people out there who are cruel but I think, to fight off all these injustices, we have to come together. Sounds like a beatles reference? Sounds like a peaceful hippie movement? I am not radical. I am no hippie. I don't think I could ever be one, actually, I happen to worry too much. I think though that we should learn about other cultures, learn about other languages, learn to be more accepting. This way, we are not afraid of the unknown, or hostile. We all have basicly the same roots. Don't kill, don't steal, be honerable, be kind, the golden rule. I think its the leaders, or how one interprets what they are, that set us all apart. It's just us. Which of course means that this is all highly unlike, just plausible in a young girl's wishful heart. Oh I don't know, I'm only 18 years old. hahhaha
something endearing and hopeful to leave you with, always makes me tear and smile:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5rhhQbyYV0
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
please go there, if you don't already.
Fifty People One Question:
I've only stumbled across it today and its beautiful. Human Nature is so fickle. We kill, we hate, we abuse, we frighten yet we do so much more. With simple, lovely, thoughtful movements we inspire, we trust, we enliven. We are beautiful and we fail to see the beauty every day. I make comments of "I HATE PEOPLE!" when I see the bad side, yet we can't see the good side or when we do we take it for granted. I love humanity, I love how we can be harsh and stubborn and then, just like that, we can be kind and understanding. Sure, there are people out there who are cruel but I think, to fight off all these injustices, we have to come together. Sounds like a beatles reference? Sounds like a peaceful hippie movement? I am not radical. I am no hippie. I don't think I could ever be one, actually, I happen to worry too much. I think though that we should learn about other cultures, learn about other languages, learn to be more accepting. This way, we are not afraid of the unknown, or hostile. We all have basicly the same roots. Don't kill, don't steal, be honerable, be kind, the golden rule. I think its the leaders, or how one interprets what they are, that set us all apart. It's just us. Which of course means that this is all highly unlike, just plausible in a young girl's wishful heart. Oh I don't know, I'm only 18 years old. hahhaha
something endearing and hopeful to leave you with, always makes me tear and smile:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5rhhQbyYV0
11.17.2009
listening to Pogo and Gogol Bordello. Went shopping with the Motherboard for clothes for Alabama, well, didn't find much but I got a pair of a cool shoes and a really awesome shirt and a pair of jeans. I didn't care that the shoes are a little bit small cause I was wearing big fluffy socks, so every shoe would be tight, yes? well, I'm sorry about being a bum and not being able to update all about my room. With all this college stuff and school in general, it's been like a sudden halt on my room. It was going along so well and now its like BAM!!! not good at all. I will begin ... maybe after I return from Alabama? I hope. Really, I want this as much as you do, if you do want it anyway, haha. Well. So whats new with me? What shall I speak about today? I applied to 6 colleges yesterday! I am not getting my first D! New Clothes! Cat is doing fine, still giving me fits of sneezing and itchy eyes! Really, I just love it when he sits outside the bathroom door, waiting like he needs a drink of water RIGHT. THIS. MOMENT. and meows and scratches and I have to say "Cocoa, TWO MINUTES PLEASE!" and then he'll be quiet. I think he likes to know that I did not disappear into oblivion. Oh what a cat. Uhm, so yes, I must get back to my load o' homework.
11.11.2009
I wish I lived in another time. I know you hear this daily, that so and so was born in the wrong era just because she loveslovesloves&<3s; white="Peace" red="Logical," blue=" Loyal," yellow="Positive,">
What makes me think about this? Today, I talked to the cross-walk man. Every time I walk, I thank him and/or say "Have a nice day!!" but today! oh man I am so happy! I also told him "happy veteren's day!" and he looked at me and told me "Ya know? I was in the army 61 years ago! Truman's time, kept me a year more than I was supposed to be in, I just turned 80!" To which I replied "Wow! Happy Birthday! And thank you for your service to our country.". I could cry just thinking about him. Here is this sweet man who 61 years ago was a 19 year old boy walking through the year 1948. Was he scared? Was he thinking of his girl? Did he imagine his life as being a cross walk man at 80? He is such a nice man who usually tells me he thought I graduated and I will never forget him. My mother says they don't make people like they used to. Kind, Sweet, Thoughtful, Generous people unlike the girls and boys in my school. I've sifted through them all and found the remaining good ones that I am friends with but, I'm sorry, I don't belong amongst the others. I sound so pompous. I'm sorry, I simply mean that the blood that runs through my veins is different from their's. Mine is not better, their's is not better. We just have different values, different agreements on whats decent and whats not.
Also: Happy Veteren's Day! This is my fourth favorite holiday! This is the reason I still say the Pledge of Alligence. I mean I'm not one for politics, I'm not one for declaring wars on other countries, I'm not one for greed, but when I think of men (and later, the women!) who sacrificed their lives, who did what they thought was right for America, who sat and cried in a bunker, who saw their friend be killed, who tried to help their dying friend, who saved their friend, who took out a bible, a book, a picture of their girlfriend in the night, well, I could just cry, because ours lives are so easy compared to theirs that we have the time to criticize. I can't look at the flag and not think of our boys, our girls, the world's boys, the world's girls. They were out there and are out there being scared, praying, crying, missing their families, missing a body-part. I'm not trying to preach, just simply delve a little into my head. Veterens?: Thank You For Your Service To Our Country.
10.17.2009
I don't know what to say. I have many hopes for the future. This year marks 18 years since my first breath of real air. Amazing isn't it? 18 years of managing to not fall down the stairs (fatally), not being eaten by an animal, not being electricated, not playing with matches, not running after a ball after it rolled into the street, or other various dangers only Lou-Ann would worry about (REFERENCE ... thats what AP English does to ya!). Man, its beautiful but so scary. 18 years more, 18 years less. I would love to have this birthday mean something. A new chance, "a new year" like Sam said, just for me! Its going to be a good year, I really want it to be, I need it to be.
Something for the future me to look back to?:
You Go Girl.
10.12.2009
I will be returning to Russia on October 21.
I will return from Russia on October 29.
This is wonderful and frightening.
Have you ever had great expectations for someone? Lets have an example.
Say you are a teenage girl who hears all kinds of escapades of her male friends. You hear all about the girls who are hot and the girls who do things with boys and you hear all about how the boy wants stuff from more than one girl, yes? And some boys you just expect this from. You've known them for a long time and all you can say is "Oh. ____, you crazy boy. you heart breaker." I mean, double standards people! But then there are other boys who you have also known for a long time. And they are quieter and more reserved and you think "This boy is nothing like ____, he is gentle and would never demand anything like ____ does!". And then you hear how the shy boy has gotten stuff from girls and you think "WHAT?". Whats different? Why the double standard? I mean, boy #2 is nothing special, and you have never liked him like that, but still, its weird. I guess I built up Boy #2, more than Boy #1 who has been stealing and crushing hearts since the 7th grade. Boy #2 was better than that. What made Boy #2 different was that he was okay with not having a girl do things to him. He wasn't like Boy #1 or any of the other mindless boys. And here you are hearing scandelous stories of him. My point? Expectations. Do we all build up these larger than life imaginations of people only to see them crumble? I've done it. I'm the worst at it. Another example: My Idol. She was the big sister I've never had. She was everything I've ever wanted to be, witty, sly, fashionable, collected, fabulous, well liked, respected, funny, different, crazy, lovely. I've never met a more wonderful person. I was a freshman and she seemed too old for high school. Too cool. She was best friends with another girl who I considered a beautiful role model. For two years I looked up to these girls. They were the reason for fencing, for playing the flute the best I could. Then, one horrible day, my Idol, the older one, the one so dear, let slip a bad habit. It killed me, I cried, she cried. It wasn't her fault, I wasn't crying solely for the fact of that slip-up. It was the death of her innocence I connected to. I cried for the fact that people were not as good as I thought them to be. I cried because it was true. I cried because she was not as holy, as sacred, as pure as I was modelling myself after. I still hold her dear in my heart but it can never be as it was before. Its as if I've grown to understand not to idolize her as I did.
You see, thats my downfall. Great Expectations. They are only human, subject to whims and stupidities and falls from grace. At times I feel like the Catcher in the Rye. I feel as if kids are growing up faster than they should. I'm only 17 years old for another few days. I'm so old fashioned in my beliefs. Often I wonder who is right.
I will return from Russia on October 29.
This is wonderful and frightening.
Have you ever had great expectations for someone? Lets have an example.
Say you are a teenage girl who hears all kinds of escapades of her male friends. You hear all about the girls who are hot and the girls who do things with boys and you hear all about how the boy wants stuff from more than one girl, yes? And some boys you just expect this from. You've known them for a long time and all you can say is "Oh. ____, you crazy boy. you heart breaker." I mean, double standards people! But then there are other boys who you have also known for a long time. And they are quieter and more reserved and you think "This boy is nothing like ____, he is gentle and would never demand anything like ____ does!". And then you hear how the shy boy has gotten stuff from girls and you think "WHAT?". Whats different? Why the double standard? I mean, boy #2 is nothing special, and you have never liked him like that, but still, its weird. I guess I built up Boy #2, more than Boy #1 who has been stealing and crushing hearts since the 7th grade. Boy #2 was better than that. What made Boy #2 different was that he was okay with not having a girl do things to him. He wasn't like Boy #1 or any of the other mindless boys. And here you are hearing scandelous stories of him. My point? Expectations. Do we all build up these larger than life imaginations of people only to see them crumble? I've done it. I'm the worst at it. Another example: My Idol. She was the big sister I've never had. She was everything I've ever wanted to be, witty, sly, fashionable, collected, fabulous, well liked, respected, funny, different, crazy, lovely. I've never met a more wonderful person. I was a freshman and she seemed too old for high school. Too cool. She was best friends with another girl who I considered a beautiful role model. For two years I looked up to these girls. They were the reason for fencing, for playing the flute the best I could. Then, one horrible day, my Idol, the older one, the one so dear, let slip a bad habit. It killed me, I cried, she cried. It wasn't her fault, I wasn't crying solely for the fact of that slip-up. It was the death of her innocence I connected to. I cried for the fact that people were not as good as I thought them to be. I cried because it was true. I cried because she was not as holy, as sacred, as pure as I was modelling myself after. I still hold her dear in my heart but it can never be as it was before. Its as if I've grown to understand not to idolize her as I did.
You see, thats my downfall. Great Expectations. They are only human, subject to whims and stupidities and falls from grace. At times I feel like the Catcher in the Rye. I feel as if kids are growing up faster than they should. I'm only 17 years old for another few days. I'm so old fashioned in my beliefs. Often I wonder who is right.
10.07.2009
9.30.2009
some one really angered me today. I wish I was resilient like Michelle, but no, I can't control how fired up I feel and since I don't want to seem like a beeeyotch and moan about it to my friends 24/7, here ya go! Today I was passing around some paper and a pen so that I could get in contact with the girls who were interested in fencing. Now, you may or may not know that this year, since the split of the fencing team into Boys and Girls, our coach has decided to make 2 captains. I am one and someone else is the other (obvious? ahaha). So I was acting all excited and asking all kinds of girls if they were interested and if so, could they be so kind as to write down some simple information?! Well, this must have disgusted a boy on the fencing team since he looked at me and said: "what are you doing that for?" and I, simply smiling, replied: "Because I'm a captain!" and this boy screwed up his face and said "Well, you're only HALF a captain". I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him and walked away thinking nothing of it, but now, - now it stings, I feel insulted and attacked and whats worse? I didn't defend myself. Now a little background on this boy. He is not what you'd call popular, was on the team for one year, and frankly, I feel sorry for him most of the times, so my natural instinct wasn't to lash out. But now, after squirming for hours thinking how such a little comment could make me feel so rotten, well, now its just crazy. In retrospect, I once complimented his hair and his only response was "haha, I know, I like it too." I mean the comment "You're only HALF a captain", not so big, it sounds so silly and playful. But it really hurts, maybe its the responsible in me thats hurt - the part that wants to be taken seriously. Maybe its the pride in me that wants to be respected for the heavy title of Ladies Fencing Captain. I mean, plenty of sports have multiple captains and they are each known as a CAPTAIN. Not a half, not a quarter Captain, not a fifth of a Captain. Jeez. I can't seem to let this go!
Is it me thats overly nice? Is the world overly mean? Is Tennessee Williams right that the sensitive people in the world consistantly get crushed by the brutes? Is being one of the "sensitives" really that bad? I mean, I certainly don't want to be a brutish savage. Oh, my. I feel a bit better but still, cannot believe the children these days, they are stuck in a dream land of "I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want and have no reprocussions!".
Is it me thats overly nice? Is the world overly mean? Is Tennessee Williams right that the sensitive people in the world consistantly get crushed by the brutes? Is being one of the "sensitives" really that bad? I mean, I certainly don't want to be a brutish savage. Oh, my. I feel a bit better but still, cannot believe the children these days, they are stuck in a dream land of "I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want and have no reprocussions!".
9.28.2009
Did you happen to catch the sky today? You, and I actually, would think the sky would be dreary and mean looking. And yet, no! I was at my computer, mindlessly wandering and I noticed a strong pink light coming from the window shade and I lifted it up to find a beautiful pink-orange fog shimmering above my neighbor's roof. Then when I was driving I saw that the dark rain clouds broke apart at one section to reveal the lovely deep blue sky beneath it. Another day with a surprise ending. So badly do I want to see the sunrise and sunset in other land, take a trip to the supermarket/bakery/butcher/pastry shop in another land, I want to see beauty everywhere. I want to be able to see beauty in everything. I do now, but I'm so sure that I'm missing more than I see. Other states, other countries, other weather types, in other people's house (welcome, of course). I love my home but I need to travel, my entire body needs that, my soul needs it. I feel so strongly about leaving and coming back home and seeing the world, maybe it's the Beirut on my playlist, he always gets me in a mood to see the world, but the world wasn't made so we could all sit in one place and wait out our lives, at least I'm not going to do that.
Must get it together and write my yearbook write ups. I'll be 18 in a matter of weeks, must find a party place.
Must get it together and write my yearbook write ups. I'll be 18 in a matter of weeks, must find a party place.
9.20.2009
A Little Bit About Myself:
What is your current obsession?
Trying to wear all the clothes I wore in summer for as long as possible. Also: Finding out a way to collect all my mom's unused jewlery, why save/waste it, ya know?
What's your horoscope and how do you relate to it?
Libra charcteristics and personality traits:
Ruled by: VENUS.
Your Sun Zodiac sign may not best describe your personality features, your characteristics and general qualities that you bring to life. For many people, their Ascendant or its planetary ruler is the more obvious characteristic, or sometimes the Moon sign. Your Sun sign, rather, says more about the direction you should be moving in, to make the contribution to humanity you were born to make, and thus achieve a degree of personal fulfilment.
The goal for Libra is to witness the importance of co-operation and harmony in human life. Libra is represented by a pair of scales - the only sign to be represented by an inanimate object. This says something about the Libra objective - to be fair and balanced in everything in a detached way - it is an air sign and therefore seeks an ideal. At its best, Libra can view complex situations, maybe emotionally highly charged ones, and come to a balanced view based on a fair consideration of all the options. However, it may take a while to come off the fence! Come down in favour of one side of the scales and the other side goes up and Libra always seeks to restore balance.
Traits of a Libra:
Desires popularity
Loves art
Neat
Dresses up for the occassion
Slight perfectionist
Narcisstic
Charitable
Bossy at times
Plans ahead
Attention to detail
Loves public service
Likes:
Beauty
Gifts
Debates
Attention
Intellectual conversations
Admiration
Credit cards
Mingling
Subtle colours, textures
Haute Coutoure
Dislikes:
Noise
Confusion
Sloppiness
Ugliness
Dirt
Pressured decisions
Being rushed
Criticism
This actually fits me very well. On the road, I hate having people push me or let me go first, I feel as if I am being rushed or am being pressured. I love to debate but I am unsure of myself when I'm debating with a class (the possiblity of being criticized). I hate it when there are fights and when I must choose a side. I've always been a peacemaker and a Switzerland when it comes to arguments. I try to please everyone, often at my own expence. I love it when people work together and are just plain old nice to eachother.
What are you wearing today?
A dress coat! lovelylovely.
What was the last thing you bought?
gas for my dad's car! money lay-day.
What's for dinner?
panera!
What is your favorite decade?
i love early 60's (not hippie time) and all the 50's, 40's, 30's. Racism, Sexism but so so glamourous, so so styled, they had things to fight for, they were polite, they were stronger than us now.
What are your "must haves" for fall?
skirts! dresses! Just because cold weather has rolled around doesnt mean you can only be warm/happy in sweats or pants. Stay feminine, stay true!
Are you a cat or dog person?
I'm more of a cat person. I love all animals, I love dogs! but I love how you have to work and build trust and love with a cat. I love how you get that bond thats more than just a "you feed me, you play with me so i love you" bond with a dog. Once a cat loves you, thats it, its sealed.
What is your favorite piece of clothing?
I love a good hat or scarf. Well placed, to compliment or to add a shock of color/pattern can make a fall or winter coat look amazing.
What do you do and what is your dream job?
NO JOB :D. Also: oxy moron? If I could, I'd be a student the rest of my life.
What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
too much cleavage/ cleavage at all. UGLY. leave something for the imagination ladies!
Describe your personal style.
conservative meets fiesty. I love vintage anything and everything. I'm trying to wear less pants. I tend to be very reserved with clothing, very professional. I like the look that I can wear for a job, for a night time outing, for a walk down 5th ave and with my friends and family. I attempt to stay away from up to date trends, but I always like to bring trends back. I used to be very adventurous with my hair styles and lengths but I'm leveling out with medium/shoulder length. I live for dresses and skirts and I try to always be classy and feminine but slightly messy.
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Something helpful to society. I would love to be a fashion designer but also part of the Environmental Protection Agency or even a high school teacher of English. (hopefully honors kids.)
:D
What is your current obsession?
Trying to wear all the clothes I wore in summer for as long as possible. Also: Finding out a way to collect all my mom's unused jewlery, why save/waste it, ya know?
What's your horoscope and how do you relate to it?
Libra charcteristics and personality traits:
Ruled by: VENUS.
Your Sun Zodiac sign may not best describe your personality features, your characteristics and general qualities that you bring to life. For many people, their Ascendant or its planetary ruler is the more obvious characteristic, or sometimes the Moon sign. Your Sun sign, rather, says more about the direction you should be moving in, to make the contribution to humanity you were born to make, and thus achieve a degree of personal fulfilment.
The goal for Libra is to witness the importance of co-operation and harmony in human life. Libra is represented by a pair of scales - the only sign to be represented by an inanimate object. This says something about the Libra objective - to be fair and balanced in everything in a detached way - it is an air sign and therefore seeks an ideal. At its best, Libra can view complex situations, maybe emotionally highly charged ones, and come to a balanced view based on a fair consideration of all the options. However, it may take a while to come off the fence! Come down in favour of one side of the scales and the other side goes up and Libra always seeks to restore balance.
Traits of a Libra:
Desires popularity
Loves art
Neat
Dresses up for the occassion
Slight perfectionist
Narcisstic
Charitable
Bossy at times
Plans ahead
Attention to detail
Loves public service
Likes:
Beauty
Gifts
Debates
Attention
Intellectual conversations
Admiration
Credit cards
Mingling
Subtle colours, textures
Haute Coutoure
Dislikes:
Noise
Confusion
Sloppiness
Ugliness
Dirt
Pressured decisions
Being rushed
Criticism
This actually fits me very well. On the road, I hate having people push me or let me go first, I feel as if I am being rushed or am being pressured. I love to debate but I am unsure of myself when I'm debating with a class (the possiblity of being criticized). I hate it when there are fights and when I must choose a side. I've always been a peacemaker and a Switzerland when it comes to arguments. I try to please everyone, often at my own expence. I love it when people work together and are just plain old nice to eachother.
What are you wearing today?
A dress coat! lovelylovely.
What was the last thing you bought?
gas for my dad's car! money lay-day.
What's for dinner?
panera!
What is your favorite decade?
i love early 60's (not hippie time) and all the 50's, 40's, 30's. Racism, Sexism but so so glamourous, so so styled, they had things to fight for, they were polite, they were stronger than us now.
What are your "must haves" for fall?
skirts! dresses! Just because cold weather has rolled around doesnt mean you can only be warm/happy in sweats or pants. Stay feminine, stay true!
Are you a cat or dog person?
I'm more of a cat person. I love all animals, I love dogs! but I love how you have to work and build trust and love with a cat. I love how you get that bond thats more than just a "you feed me, you play with me so i love you" bond with a dog. Once a cat loves you, thats it, its sealed.
What is your favorite piece of clothing?
I love a good hat or scarf. Well placed, to compliment or to add a shock of color/pattern can make a fall or winter coat look amazing.
What do you do and what is your dream job?
NO JOB :D. Also: oxy moron? If I could, I'd be a student the rest of my life.
What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
too much cleavage/ cleavage at all. UGLY. leave something for the imagination ladies!
Describe your personal style.
conservative meets fiesty. I love vintage anything and everything. I'm trying to wear less pants. I tend to be very reserved with clothing, very professional. I like the look that I can wear for a job, for a night time outing, for a walk down 5th ave and with my friends and family. I attempt to stay away from up to date trends, but I always like to bring trends back. I used to be very adventurous with my hair styles and lengths but I'm leveling out with medium/shoulder length. I live for dresses and skirts and I try to always be classy and feminine but slightly messy.
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Something helpful to society. I would love to be a fashion designer but also part of the Environmental Protection Agency or even a high school teacher of English. (hopefully honors kids.)
:D
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