i cant stop listening to this. or watching any of his videos. i think i may have stumbled upon my future husband, he can go into music and ill go into fashion and we'll be starving artists on the cold, Russian streets. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.



it's my birthday today. i am nineteen years old.
i dont feel any different and today wasnt a spectacularly different day.
i like it here but this is not home for me. well at least, so far.
all i want for my birthday is a good time back home. and world peace.


world peace would be nice though.



not much to report. getting used to this more and more. we lost in football yesterday, first time in like, 20 games or so. getting older, birthday in less than a week. miss my friends and family. making more friends daily. broke my italian restaurant lights today, wamp wamp, which led to an intense cleaning sesh. note to self - write letters! i am becoming lax! cannot stop listening to the knife. its getting cold down here.

now, lets not get all crazy when i say this, but i really miss my cat. please do not get me wrong, i miss my parents and my family like crazy. i miss my friends so much and think about each of them at least twice a day. i slightly miss pv or at least the familiarity i had there. i miss new jersey and all its glory. but lately ive really realized how i miss my cat something fierce. i really do. i knew i would miss Cocoa, hes great for late night warmth and i could always count on him to just sort of show up and give me a look that captures: HI IM A CAT AND YOU'RE ONE OF MY HUMANS, the young one who is good for a game of chase or a brisk fluff of the fur, also is very precise about my litter box and food station, SO HOW ABOUT WE CUT TO THE CHASE AND SCRATCH MY CHIN? and then i'd give him a look of "hey cat. im a human and youre a cat. and i love you. but im in the middle of a(n) paper/intense tv show and cant really move right now, so how about we wait a bi - OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CAT I HAVE, I SIMPLY MUST SCRATCH YOUR CHINNY CHIN CHIN". ....yeah, he gets me every time. but anywhozles. every cat person will say that they have the best cat in the world. and to them, they do. every cat is different and that meshing of human and feline is just magical. like cocoa has a different connection with the three of us. with my daddy, cocoa is like a son. they are rough and vocal and cocoa listens to my daddy like he is God. its crazy. my cat will just wander the house and be a bit of a chatterbox and my dad will just pick him up and place him under the covers and cocoa will just accept it and stay there for a few hours. they had a very strong sleeping bond when cocoa was a bitty boy so thats where it all began. with my maw, cocoa is very respectful. she was the last one to swoon over him, she was the last one, consequently, to know that we were gettting a cat, hm. it was so sweet to see cocoa just curled up with my momma when she was sick. he is gentle with her and knows that she is the one to go to for a good brushing. and with me, well im not sure. my parents treat him as good as a human so he feels like we are all equal and i guess while my parents are the authorities, i am just a fellow cat, out on the prowl. he treats me like a sister cat and i know i did something to please him when he decides to lay close to me. i love him a lot. my parents told me, and this is making my heart break a little again, that ever since ive left he has been a bit different. he only recently began to eat regularly and hes been constantly sleeping on my bed. they say that he looked for me and everytime i am on the phone with my parents they tell me that cocoa is also in the room and i get to speak with him and he will rub his face against the phone. now i know this could all be attributed to cat nature. sure he sleeps on my bed, its a constant place thats not disturbed. or sure he rubs his face against the phone, cats do that to everything. but its just nice to think that my cat misses me. or at least notices that im not there anymore. jeez, i could go on forever about coakie. hes a nutcase and hes crazy and i have so many scars from where a rambunctous little black kitten made me bleed but boy oh boy how much fun i have had with him! crazy cats! i do miss him a lot though. i mean i havent had an allergic reaction in 2 months but he is worth the puffy eyes and the runny nose. i miss picking up his 17 pounds of fur and fat and just kissing his head until he got annoyed and meowed at me to let him free. i miss him scampering off and then returning 2 minutes later when he realized i wasnt chasing him. i miss almost stepping on him because he decided that he wanted to sleep right outside of my curtain door. i miss him creeping up on me and then almost giving me a heartattack when he jumped onto the bed. i miss him meowing and meowing for a pet session at like 2 AM. i miss having black fur EVERYWHERE. i miss his whiskers just brushing against my arm in the slightest way that makes me go crazy in scratching. i miss seeing other people's cats, and sometimes their small dogs, and thinking how much bigger cocoa is. he really is. like hes healthy, dont worry, but hes BIG. i am laughing right now because i just remembered how at the vet he is such a good boy. he doesnt hiss or growl he just gets this stunned look and tries to hid in plain sight. i am thinking right now of how the vet (dr. CATaldi, perfect right?!) had to pick him up and how he was like "JEEZ! cocoa is huge! but hes a beautiful cat, you sure hes from a shelter" and of course he says that to every cat and every cat owner goes home thinking they are hot stuff but i just loved cocoa's face of UHHH WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!? poor boy. i love how tolerant he is. and i love how alike we are. cocoa and i are both very territorial creatures but are too scared to make any moves, we do not like drastic and rash change and we both get nervous when my mom pulls out the vaccum - him because he hates the noise and me because i hate cleaning. :D Cocoa and i both share eye color. he is gold and green while i am brown and green. its all just too perfect, he fits in the family so well and plays a major role in the family. i miss my "goo'boy". cant wait to come home and then he can act all "oh so you decided to come back finally, huh?" and then he can smell my suitcase and come up to me while im on the couch eating diner take out food (yes, i planned all this out) and meow at me until i give in and pull him close. i love how this is written like a 4th grade english project. I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY CAT.