i dont mean to toot my own horn but i have to tell people other than my family

"Today, I consider myself the luckiest [wo]man on the face of the earth"

i cannot stop crying because i am so happy. i sit here, looking absolutly rediculous (sp?) but i am so happy and so blessed and so thankful. also i cannot believe today was real life. i feel like i'm floating and my body is tingling all over and i'm just stalling to tell you what actually happened. well. long story short, fencing goes to districts every year, which is a major tournament where all kinds of schools fence eachother and its just a lot of fun. ever since i was a freshman, getting beat up there but having a blast, i wanted to go to individuals. the closest we ever got was when the epee squad was 5th in the district my sophomore year (8/12 wins!) it was fantastic. so skip ahead to this year: i was nervous but really really excited. apart from two people raining on my parade all day (there are always some, im just mad that i will always remember the bad things with the reallyreally good things), i had a great time. which, for me, is the most important. i love making friends and connecting with people and chatting with the directors. so skip ahead to fencing i won 6/11 bouts, which was weird cause i lost to random schools and won against the top and second best schools along with other schools. so what did i get already? well i am the 5th A strip fencer in the district as well as the 9th fencer in the district. i can't stop smiling and crying. i can't believe today happened. its like a dream. i've been telling everyone how i wanted it for the past 4 years, ever since i found out you could move on to individuals and ever since i saw some of my older friends going into individuals and even states!

well thats it, i'm going to go crash and smile and be thankful.

**after i wrote this i fell asleep ASAP and never published this thing and after i re-reading this it makes no sense or anything but i can't retype it because i will cry again. ahahahha.


I got a new alarm clock today due to today being the worst and craziest and zaniest morning I've ever had. Talk about wierd.

also: I want to brighten your world so here:


** there's like, one curse word, but it's totally worth it to watch. I mean, everyone in Jersey knows someone like this.
if you like it, guess what, there are more!
(if not, then just pretend you never saw anything.)


I've forgotten how much I love this.

Alright. Yesterday I took a surprise nap, which I hate, and had a dream about how I went to college and met thousands of wonderful new people. It was a glorious dream, I really cannot wait for college now. Its scary but at the same time a very attractive idea, starting over, somewhere a long ways from home. Everything starts over, eating habits, sleeping times, friends. (The latter being the very very scary part.) I have so much I want to do in the future, and I sound like a whiny little girl but I'm afraid I'll lose my momentum and actually put other things before my own whims. I've seen this happen to a lot of people, its heartbreaking. I think thats what makes us all human, we start out with these grandiose dreams of skyscrapers and astronauts and we settle for something we had no desire to do. WELL NOT ME. I hope. What are these big dreams, you ask? Well I'd love to call a few structures home, some crammed couple of rooms high above Nevsky Prospeckt in Saint Petersburg, a Montclair house (NOT MANSION.) with a porch that sweeps from the front (for two rocking chairs) to the side (for the summer, to eat and dance with friends) and a beach house in Montauk with a view that Gatsby would die for, so I can sit on the grass and listen to Vampire Weekend. It's highly improbable, it's highly expensive and it's highly out of my reach, but I'm a day-dream believer. What can I say? I mean, other people live out their dreams, why not you? why not me? Why can't I be a face hunter? Why can't I be an honors english teacher? Right now, the future looks interesting, foggy and most likely dangerous but ever since I had a changing point during fencing one day, I've changed everything. I believe in myself, I believe in the human race and I believe in you. So get out there, buttercup, make a name for yourself. I plan on making connections to last me a lifetime and keeping the fantastic connections I do have, I want to hob-nob with the barely rich and slightly famous, I want to get wrapped up in a glamourous life and I want to return home and sit on my couch with some good old friends and talk it all over and then I want to go driving around with them like we do now and get into all kinds of shananagins. I want to continue to be religious and I want to continue fencing. I don't know how to end this, nor do I know how this list of "I wants" began. So I'll end with this: I had some hot, home-made coffee with new hazelnut creamer (first time ever!) and now I think I'm lactose-intolerant. oh the humanity.


yesterday i thought i would have an average, even boring!, friday night. as if that was possible! went to montclair with the friendsies for some nice cafe eclectic time. milkshake was sub par, lighting hurt my eyes, atmosphere was fantastic, saw beautiful couples, good company. there was a line the length of california outside a (new?) night club. guess who was there. the oh-so-famous-for-now jersey shore cast. ahahhahhaa. we drove around and around and caught everyone's exciting fever. as we were driving home looking at the mansions, i noticed New York City in the background. it was glittering and shining and litterally created a warm and sunny glow that fought off the night sky, which by the way, is clearer than ever these days! oh, everything is so beautiful. after driving around listening to good tunes and laughing and dancing with my friends, i made it home with 30 minutes left of the last conan o'brien show with my mom! woooohoooo! this morning i was able to can-shake at A&P. It's shameless, its sometimes degrading, its tough but i love doing it. I love interacting with the people i normally would just hurry past in the foodstore. i love going out on a limb, cocking my head like a dog and smiling my most sparkling smile with a touch of an eye squeeze for that dollar. i love talking with people, finding out that they went to PV in 1965 and their grandson goes there now, but hes not a fencer: he's on the hockey team, i mean he gets into trouble, but he's a good kid. i love it. i don't love the money aspect per say (it goes to a good cause!), though i do see the money as a teller of how well you weaseled your way into the people who passed by. if you're going to stand there and monotonously ask people for money, they'll give you some change, a dollar maybe. if you're lunging and talking about how their son/daughter could be on the team when they are in high school and making them laugh, you get 10 bucks. oh i love love love it. i love people. i really enjoy making them laugh and making them remember you. my motto for the day was "well, if they're not gonna give us money, lets make them remember us at least." and i think i did, cause i saw one man who gave us money in the morning a little later today and he waved. ahahhaha. i had a hot chocolate, a mint froho (andheartsheartsheartshearts) and a hazelnut ice coffee today. beautiful, i just want you to know.


Moon River And Me.

what a lovely time I've been having. I really cannot begin to speak all the wonderful things that have been happening. I am so thankful. I am so blessed. For everything, for all the things that have happened to me and for things that have not happened to me. Yesterday was an amazing time, I love my team! What a senior year so far! I am having a blast, hope you are too!
Today I was discussing THE SECRET, with some friends (send it to the universe, positive thoughts etcetcetc) and though I do not entirely buy into the whole SECRET thing, I have been living that "keep positive" kind of lifestyle and I totally agree. I'm not saying that I am completely right and amazing and a genius because I live that way, but I think life is too short to dwell on unpleasant things. DEJA VU, woah. You have to stop and be thankful for what you do have or if you lost something, you have to be thankful for the time you had with it/them. I can't wait for this year to slowly drip by/whiz by, and I promise to try and take everyday slowly and try to enjoy every moment of it! (if not please swifty kick me in the face and tell me to enjoy it all!)


Hello! Happy New Year!
I just posted a thing under 12.06.09, well i began it then and then posted it tonite when I should be doing American Government homework. So check it out, hopefully I can be a good blogger this year! It's fun but oh so time consuming!