I've forgotten how much I love this.

Alright. Yesterday I took a surprise nap, which I hate, and had a dream about how I went to college and met thousands of wonderful new people. It was a glorious dream, I really cannot wait for college now. Its scary but at the same time a very attractive idea, starting over, somewhere a long ways from home. Everything starts over, eating habits, sleeping times, friends. (The latter being the very very scary part.) I have so much I want to do in the future, and I sound like a whiny little girl but I'm afraid I'll lose my momentum and actually put other things before my own whims. I've seen this happen to a lot of people, its heartbreaking. I think thats what makes us all human, we start out with these grandiose dreams of skyscrapers and astronauts and we settle for something we had no desire to do. WELL NOT ME. I hope. What are these big dreams, you ask? Well I'd love to call a few structures home, some crammed couple of rooms high above Nevsky Prospeckt in Saint Petersburg, a Montclair house (NOT MANSION.) with a porch that sweeps from the front (for two rocking chairs) to the side (for the summer, to eat and dance with friends) and a beach house in Montauk with a view that Gatsby would die for, so I can sit on the grass and listen to Vampire Weekend. It's highly improbable, it's highly expensive and it's highly out of my reach, but I'm a day-dream believer. What can I say? I mean, other people live out their dreams, why not you? why not me? Why can't I be a face hunter? Why can't I be an honors english teacher? Right now, the future looks interesting, foggy and most likely dangerous but ever since I had a changing point during fencing one day, I've changed everything. I believe in myself, I believe in the human race and I believe in you. So get out there, buttercup, make a name for yourself. I plan on making connections to last me a lifetime and keeping the fantastic connections I do have, I want to hob-nob with the barely rich and slightly famous, I want to get wrapped up in a glamourous life and I want to return home and sit on my couch with some good old friends and talk it all over and then I want to go driving around with them like we do now and get into all kinds of shananagins. I want to continue to be religious and I want to continue fencing. I don't know how to end this, nor do I know how this list of "I wants" began. So I'll end with this: I had some hot, home-made coffee with new hazelnut creamer (first time ever!) and now I think I'm lactose-intolerant. oh the humanity.

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