9.30.2009

some one really angered me today. I wish I was resilient like Michelle, but no, I can't control how fired up I feel and since I don't want to seem like a beeeyotch and moan about it to my friends 24/7, here ya go! Today I was passing around some paper and a pen so that I could get in contact with the girls who were interested in fencing. Now, you may or may not know that this year, since the split of the fencing team into Boys and Girls, our coach has decided to make 2 captains. I am one and someone else is the other (obvious? ahaha). So I was acting all excited and asking all kinds of girls if they were interested and if so, could they be so kind as to write down some simple information?! Well, this must have disgusted a boy on the fencing team since he looked at me and said: "what are you doing that for?" and I, simply smiling, replied: "Because I'm a captain!" and this boy screwed up his face and said "Well, you're only HALF a captain". I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him and walked away thinking nothing of it, but now, - now it stings, I feel insulted and attacked and whats worse? I didn't defend myself. Now a little background on this boy. He is not what you'd call popular, was on the team for one year, and frankly, I feel sorry for him most of the times, so my natural instinct wasn't to lash out. But now, after squirming for hours thinking how such a little comment could make me feel so rotten, well, now its just crazy. In retrospect, I once complimented his hair and his only response was "haha, I know, I like it too." I mean the comment "You're only HALF a captain", not so big, it sounds so silly and playful. But it really hurts, maybe its the responsible in me thats hurt - the part that wants to be taken seriously. Maybe its the pride in me that wants to be respected for the heavy title of Ladies Fencing Captain. I mean, plenty of sports have multiple captains and they are each known as a CAPTAIN. Not a half, not a quarter Captain, not a fifth of a Captain. Jeez. I can't seem to let this go!



Is it me thats overly nice? Is the world overly mean? Is Tennessee Williams right that the sensitive people in the world consistantly get crushed by the brutes? Is being one of the "sensitives" really that bad? I mean, I certainly don't want to be a brutish savage. Oh, my. I feel a bit better but still, cannot believe the children these days, they are stuck in a dream land of "I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want and have no reprocussions!".

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