i'm feeling really overwhelmed by this college stuff. i feel like everything is so important and that if i mess up one bit ill just be a nobody and i feel like its all on my shoulders and i have to make very important decisions RIGHT NOW. some people have been thinking of college their whole entire lives, they've been studying and practicing sports with scholarships in mind. i haven't done any of that. i don't even think i'm the average high-schooler simply because i am not worried about college. and thats what scares me the most, i am so care-free right now when i feel like i should be hounding down college professors and taking the SAT II and ACT. i feel like i'm not taking enough time to sort out what i want or what i should want and i feel like i will not get the experience i want. i have no college that i've been dying to attend. i have no major that i'm dying to do. i think being an english teacher would be fun, i really like reading and helping people but who says thats what i want when im 30?! i feel like i'm at the bottom of the ocean and that i have no means and no desire to get to the top. thats the scariest part. i haven't visited any colleges, i don't know what i want to do and i can hear the clock ticking. when i was anxious to do college stuff, no one helped me and the internet sure isn't the way i want to learn about a place i'm living at for 4 years. and now when i'm, sort of lazy with college things i don't even know where to begin. all these websites i was given don't help me. what i need is a psychiatrist who will give me hard copies of things none of this online business. i don't care whats the percentage of whites in your university, i want to know what kind of student you will take. i don't care how many minutes away from NYC your college is, i want to know how much it will cost my parents! i feel like if you can come out of your junior and senior year of highschool somewhat sane, after all the talks and meetings and phone calls and learning and college stuff, you should be able to go. these SATs, GPAs, LMNOPs really, i just want to come out of high school alive. best time of your life? i really hope not. and another thing. the cost of college. HELLO? i mean, whats the point of spending millions of dollars at one college when the degree you get at the end, is the same as one thats half a million? and also - whats the deal with college being so darn expensive???? books, okay, but sending me to an "okay" college will be the same as if my parents bought a new car. every year. i don't see where the incentive is. it's happened with food. why would someone pay $30 for a healthy meal when they can get a fast and tasty, albiet unhealthy meal for $7. where is the incentive to eat better? i just don't see the big scha-bang that is neccessary for going to college. its all so complicated and i want it to be over right now. how do i know which college is "right for me"? i'm so young, i'm not even allowed to drive past 12AM and you want me to make a decision that will (or at least feels like) determine the rest of my life? i feel so helpless and all the computer can give me is 35 matches to "Penn State".

2 things:

i don't know how to spell "incentive", is that right? ha, some english teacher i'll be.

and after reading this over i feel even more frazzeled (Spelling?!!?!) and i'm not even going to bother to take out the mistakes for fear of exploding.

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