it is august already. i still have a lot of summer work to do.

i realized i cheated you out of my trip to russia because of i was freaking out about college. sorry!
where to begin. lets see, something dramatic? Russia, the land of beautiful people, the land of tsars, the land of memorable fighting and the land of my ancestors. BUM BUMMMMMM. right. so whats happening in Russia in July of 2009? beautiful things, my friends. what really struck me is how for the last 17 years, i've blindly loved Russia, its true, i have. i've always been proud of what i saw in the pictures or what i remembered from my trip when i was 8 (i actually hated it, go figure ahhaha) and i've always loved it from what i've heard from news stories or just reminiscing. but this trip made me see what i've been "loving" and it really hit me in the face. i cannot describe how wonderful it was, IT IS. i've never loved/been more proud of/missed anything as much as Russia. lets just say, if i had the chance to move there after high school, i would in a blink of an eye. call me biased, but hear me out, if you are italian, go to Italy, if you are german, go to Germany (i've seen the airport, not bad Germany. haaha). where ever you are from, GO HOME. and i don't mean your home with your bed and your secret collection of stuffed animals that you can't give up, but your motherland, the land of YOUR ancestors. this trip really opened my eyes, i didn't see what i expected to see, i saw better things. going to Russia really made me consider life outside of the US. i mean, i don't always agree with all the US stuff, but i've never really thought of leaving, its comfortable here, i'm used to it. but Russia, i would move there and i don't fully know the language, but i know enough to squeeze by. walking the history lined streets (the buildings, the bridges, everything) its just breath-taking. i was so worried when i arrived in Russia that i would not love it, and now i am worried that i won't be able to stop yearning to go back. thats my home. i've lived in New Jersey my entire life, my family is here (most), my friends are all from here and i can't imagine life without them but when i woke up that second day in Russia, i realized that that huge country of snow and cities and life is where i belong. i thought i knew what i wanted, but now everything is out the window, i've been propelled back into that kolidescope of uncertainty and i don't know which way is out, the way i've known for so long - the one i'm so comfortable with or the one i've only just begun to understand. i'm in love with a country, a life that i can't have and probably can't afford, but its soso exciting. the walking around Saint Petersburg at night, there was absolute freedom - picture New York City with less people in a rush and more people in love with life, picture school with people who are interested in fun, interested in dining outside and interested in living life and not getting bogged down in work and hate and heavy feelings. its strange, i feel like i'm backstabbing my home for 17 years for one that i've only just met, hahah am i cheating on it? which brings me to my next point, traveling. i love it. airports, people you travel with - you could meet anyone just by sitting by them or being on line after them and your lives cross at this one point, maybe waiting 6 hours in Germany for a 7 hour plane trip to the US. there are so many people out there and i want to get the most of my life and i want to travel and see other cultures and see other people and maybe stay in a hut in some small, poor country and cry that i want to go home and then get used to the place and then love it. i want to help people everywhere (it sounds over-used but this i'm fascinated by societies and people and their beliefs and i want to learn and i want to teach and i want to help and i want to be helped) and i want to be happy and content with what i've got, cause life's short. (SUBLIME.) right so maybe i can learn how to put pictures up and you can see a fragment of my dreams. we all need to travel and get out of our little boxes. mentally and physically.